The Scroll Marked V: I will live this day as if it is my last.
“…I will waste not a moment mourning of yesterday’s misfortunes, yesterday’s defeats, yesterday’s aches of the heart, for why should I throw good after bad?…Can I relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can I call back yesterday’s wounds and make them whole? Can I become younger than yesterday? Can I take back the evil that was spoken, the blows that were struck, the pain that was caused? No. Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more. I will live this day as if it is my last.
“And what then shall I do? Forgetting yesterday neither will I think of tomorrow. Why should I throw now after maybe?…Can I perform tomorrow’s deed while standing in today’s path?…Should I concern myself over events which I may never witness? Should I torment myself with problems that may never come to pass? No! Tomorrow lies buried with yesterday, and I will think of it no more. I will live this day as if it is my last.
“…I have but one life and life is naught but a measurement of time. When I waste one I destroy the other. If I waste today I destroy the last page of my life. Therefore, each hour of this day will I cherish for it can never return…Each minute of this day will I grasp with both hands and fondle with love for its value is beyond price…I will live this day as if it is my last.
“…And if it is my last, it will be my greatest monument. This day I will make the best day of my life. This day I will drink every minute to its full. I will savor its taste and give thanks…My last will be my best…I will live this day as if it is my last. And if it is not, I shall fall to my knees and give thanks.” (pgs. 73-77)
In the Word: 2 Samuel 5:1-10, 1 Chronicles 10-12, Psalm 133
Growing up in the church, you are taught certain “ethics” and boundaries as a child that seem to stick with you even once you’ve grown up. The lessons you’re taught concerning suicide, what happens to people after they die, God assisting a specific side in battle, etc. etc. all seem to be black-and-white as a child. As I grew older, I was no longer satisfied with the “people who kill themselves don’t go to Heaven” answer, and began questioning it more and more. I couldn’t understand how God would be all-merciful but yet condemn someone to eternal suffering if they chose to take their own life. Maybe it was choosing to remain in denial since I’ve lost some friends to suicide, or maybe I was onto something in believing God is a God of unconditional love- in all circumstances.
As I read through the 1 Chronicles passage, this question arises again for me. Here Saul is in a battle with his family and chooses to fall onto his own sword, aka take his own life. Yet later it says, “Saul died because he was unfaithful to the Lord..So the Lord put him to death…” (1 Chronicles 10:13-14) Does this mean that Saul actually didn’t take his own life, but instead that God orchestrated it for him? If that’s the case, then is he still condemned to Hell for “committing suicide”? Is everyone else who takes their own life then not actually committing suicide, but instead following through on a calling by God for them to die? (Am I making any sense here? I didn’t mean for this post to end up so morose. Oh well!)